Killer’s Widow Sues McDonald’s

Can it be true that the widow of the man who killed 21 people during a shooting spree at a San Ysidro McDonald’s restaurant is suing that company? She claims that they are at fault because MSG in the hamburgers drove her husband crazy.

I shudder at the implications. With those signs boasting of “Billions Served,” it’s no wonder people are afraid to go out at night. And, hearing of the MSG threat, my favorite Chinese restaurant has replaced his chef with an armed guard; this since finding, smeared on the washroom mirror, the words “Starve me before I kill again!”

It seems that the days are gone when one expressed disapproval in a restaurant by cutting down on the gratuity. But legal logic will get to the heart of the problem, and punish the guilty. May I submit a poem?

Though the crime he committed was great

Grounds abound that we should litigate.

We will sue on the claim that he wasn’t to blame,

But it was merely something he ate.

WILFRED COUZIN

Laguna Niguel