Here’s Chance to Laugh at Fears of Recession

A recession might be upon us, but it’s comforting to know that NFL Properties is looking out for the bargain-minded sports fan.

The company is offering a chance to compete in golf, tennis, fishing and flag football against former NFL players Gale Sayers, Jack Ham, Bert Jones, Paul Warfield and Ted Hendricks.

The activity is scheduled for February of 1991, during Pro Bowl week in Honolulu.

So you’ve got some time to think about it. There’s a special 800 number, and operators are waiting to take your call.

And your $4,995.

Trivia time: Who was the last major league player to hit home runs in four consecutive at-bats in one game?

Muteman: Outfielder Ken Griffey Jr., normally the Seattle Mariners’ most talkative player, told his teammates that when he saw “Darkman” Saturday in Kansas City, “It was so good I didn’t say a word during the whole movie.”

Said Mariner Coach Gene Clines: “It must be the greatest movie ever made.”

Add Mariners: When rookie pitcher Brent Knackert turned 21 recently, he went to celebrate in the bar of the Oakland hotel where the team was staying.

But the security guard told him: “I’m sorry, in California there’s a 24-hour waiting period.”

Knackert shrugged and walked back to his room. But a group of coaches, who had put the guard up to the hoax, stopped the pitcher, took him back to the bar and picked up the tab.

A sad display: In 1977, three years after the death of Hall of Fame pitcher Dizzy Dean, the city of Jackson, Miss., established the Dizzy Dean Museum.

Now, however, it is visited by only three or four people each day.

Con Maloney, the owner of the double-A Jackson Mets, told the Associated Press: “I am somewhat embarrassed for the memory of Dizzy Dean that the facility is not used any more than it is.”

AP reported that if Jackson closes the museum, the Hall of Fame is interested in the Dean memorabilia.

Wear two gloves: Columnist John Steadman of the Baltimore Sun has urged Oriole pitcher Ben McDonald to switch from eating sardines to crab the night before he pitches. Steadman suggested that this would help the sagging crab industry in Maryland and in Louisiana, McDonald’s home state.

Ed Gunning, a former pitcher in the Orioles’ farm system who operates a crab house in Baltimore, offered to take McDonald crabbing.

Wrote Steadman: “The Orioles, no doubt, would have to grant permission because handling live crabs can be precarious. They wouldn’t want him to turn into another Three-Fingered Brown.”

Bring in the fences: On this day in 1977, Toby Harrah and Bump Wills of Texas hit inside-the-park home runs on consecutive pitches as the Rangers beat the Yankees, 8-2, at Yankee Stadium.

Field of streams: Pittsburgh center fielder Andy Van Slyke recently shared an image not many fans get to see when he described the artificial surface in center field at Philadelphia’s Veterans Stadium, Lenny Dykstra’s defensive domain.

Said Van Slyke: “There’s so much tobacco and juice all over the rug, you can get cancer by just standing out there. It’s like a toxic waste dump.”

Trivia answer: Mike Schmidt of Philadelphia in 1976.

Quotebook: George Perles, Michigan State football coach, on having asked the school for more money when the New York Jets offered him a job earlier this year: “This is America.”