Dear Occupant:Warren Meyer is building a Museum...

Dear Occupant:

Warren Meyer is building a Museum of Junk Mail.

“Junk mail performs an important function--it supports the U.S. postal system,” said Meyer, whose L.A.-based bulk-mail company sends out about 750,000 pieces a week.

The self-described “junk-mail king” said he’s interested in acquiring everything from flyers sent out earlier this century by circuses to 10-year-old pieces “that have Ed McMahon’s face on them.”

Although the museum plans are still a bit hazy, Meyer will no doubt have, besides the obligatory Ed McMahon Wing, halls devoted to such artworks as fake telegrams that are printed on yellow paper, envelopes designed so that a personal or government check appears to be inside, screwed-up computerized letters (“Dear Mr. L.A. Times”), and, of course, political junk mail (“not printed or mailed at government expense”). It could be the biggest cultural attraction to hit L.A. since the Frederick’s of Hollywood Bra Museum.

Meyer said, however, that he’s also considering an offer to house his shrine in Oakland. Those folks want junk mail and the Raiders too?

Speaking of candidates for the museum . . .

“The Comeback of the ‘90s,” trumpets the headline on one local mass-mailer.

The Democratic Party? Mike Dukakis? Mike Tyson?

Nope--Mike Glickman.

If you’ve already forgotten, the flamboyant Glickman was the Valley realtor who tried to come over the mountain--extend his business into the Westside--and went bankrupt. He’s since been hired by onetime rival Jon Douglas.

Now, Glickman’s holding a drawing. One lucky resident will win a free weekend in Laguna Beach. (Apparently, the response has been slow because the entry deadline was moved back a month, to Sept. 10).

“Wait till you see what Mike does during his comeback,” the flyer proclaims.

Certainly, his 157 creditors, owed $1.9 million, will be waiting.

It’s not the first time that local authorities have had to call in the Feds to deal with a problem. In this case, the problem is birds.

Unable to rid the airport skies of pigeons and sea gulls, LAX authorities are shelling out $25,000 for advice from the Agriculture Department’s Animal Damage Control Unit.

In the last year, three passenger jets at the airport sucked birds into their engines. All had to return to the airport, costing the airlines thousands of dollars in wasted fuel and delays.

The Feds are considering such solutions as plugging up cubbyholes in airport buildings so birds can’t make nests, cutting down trees whose seeds are preferred by the birds, and playing tape recordings of bird-distress calls.

“We’re ready to try whatever they (the Feds) suggest,” said Mario Polselli, the airport’s chief of airfield operations.

Polselli said LAX had already tried air horns, firecracker noises and cementing grassy areas to eliminate feeding areas.

“Someone even suggested falcons,” said Polselli. “But they could have become a problem to the planes themselves.”

miscelLAny:

Redondo Beach is the home of Vegi-Match, a computer business that matches vegetarian singles at monthly potluck meals.