VERBATIM

You’re a bank teller who’s just received a bomb threat over the phone. What do you do now? If you work for one large local bank, it’s up to your manager. According to a memo titled, “Employee Involvement: An Efficient and Thorough Response to Bomb Threats,” the branch “may pronounce a carte blanche policy that in the event of a bomb threat, evacuation will happen immediately. Or, management may wish to evaluate the threat before making an evacuation decision (because) studies indicate that the safest approach to a bomb threat is not immediate, arbitrary evacuation.”

OK. Your management opts for evaluation: “Employees are the key. . . “ reads the memo. “Why? Because they know what does and does not belong in their work areas.” Now branch personnel (that’s you) must conduct a search of the premises. After 11 paragraphs of helpful hints on how to spot and deal with bombs (“individuals should be instructed to ‘look for the unfamiliar’ ”), the memo adds that “employees cannot be forced to participate in a search.” Fair enough.

So the search yields some plastique hidden under the water cooler. Having read the “Security Manual Review,” you know that the bank’s stated policy in such matters is to “take action necessary to protect human lives, then bank assets and property.” But then the manual advises, “when the decision to evacuate has been made, instruct the employees present to secure cash and other negotiables and proceed to a predetermined safe location.” Free at last.