MAKING IT WORK : Child Should Focus on Meeting Own Needs

Teens may go to great lengths to protect an alcoholic friend or family member because they are afraid of losing that person’s love, notes Ken Vanderlip, a Fullerton marriage, family and child counselor.

However, he stresses, teens are more likely to receive abuse than love from compulsive drinkers whose problem they are trying to cover up. Vanderlip--whose wife, Susie, has choreographed a dance/drama that captures the emotions of teens dealing with alcoholism--offers the following advice to help young people protect themselves:

* Don’t blame yourself for someone else’s drinking problem; you didn’t cause it and you can’t cure it. Focus on how to meet your own needs rather than how to fix the alcoholic.

* Don’t argue with someone who becomes hostile or violent while under the influence of alcohol. You can’t reason with anyone who is drunk. Get to a safe place as soon as possible.

* If you are dating someone who drinks, think ahead. Meet him or her at your destination, volunteer to be the designated driver or bring enough cash to take a cab home, if necessary.

* If you have a loved one who is suffering from alcoholism, don’t keep it a secret. There’s no shame in asking for help. Confide in a school counselor or other adult you can trust or seek help from a community program. (For information on Alateen, a support group for young people whose lives have been affected by the compulsive drinking of a family member or friend, call the Orange County Al-Anon Information Office, (714) 545-1102.)