SOCAL FUNNIES : Fashion Trends Around the Cornor

fig. A. Sports Utility Suit: A rugged all purpose suit equally at home preforming light office duty or slogging through a tough business lunch at Mortons.

1. PPS: TALKING ALARM: Built into suit lining. Motion detector warns anyone who invades your space.(* Personal Protection System)

2. CUP HOLDER: Stitched into pant leg.

3. BORE-TEX MATERIAL: Wicks away beads of sweat during shady business deals.

4. RADIO/CD PLAYER: Dual chest speakers. Subwoofer fits discreetly in shorts.

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fig. B. Don the Beachecomb-over: Dweeb chic hits the beach as surfer dudes shave their pates to achieve a look formerly reserved for bald men.

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fig. C. CLUBS: Do Double Duty on Montana Ave. as anti-theft devices for pets.

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fig. D. L.A.’s Insatiable Appetite for Faded Denim Continues to Run Amok....

1. Frank Gehry’s Fanciful Denim Architecture

2. Denim shades

3. Wolfgang’s Latest Pizza Toppings

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fig. E. FASHION PSYCHICS. A 900 line will tell you what to wear that day.

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fig. F. The HALF-DRESSED LOOK. Gang Culture introduces the Latest Twist on Loose and Baggy...

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fig. G. DISMAYED LEATHER: Displaces “distressed” leather.

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fig. H. OVER-THE-COUNTER ROGAINE sparks a “hair-in-unusual places” trend...

1. Ear Hair Ponytails de Rigueur for nite clubbers.

2. The HAIRY PALM LOOK adds warmth to your handshakes.

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fig. I. FUZZY SLIPPERS replace Doc Martens as the footwear of choice amongst hipsters and hooligans.

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fig. J. AROUND THE CORNER: As body piercing loses its edge to the mainstream, the hardcore turn to BODY PART REMOVAL.

fig. K. HOME LIPOSUCTION KITS. Hollywood starlet thinness becomes accessible to the housewife in Bellflower.