NFL TOP TO BOTTOM

After 17 weeks of football we learned this:

* Dallas reversed trends, behaving better off the field than on.

* Obviously due to a typographical error, which the editors regret, preseason rankings for the Giants and Raiders were flopped without the author’s knowledge.

* Now we know that the 49ers can be coached by any Mariucci.

* A year ago, Atlanta Coach June Jones fined Chuck Smith $67,647 for demanding a new coach; under new coach Dan Reeves, Smith tied for fifth in the NFC with a dozen sacks, undoubtedly earning an incentive bonus twice what he was fined.

* Bill Walsh said of Jake Plummer, “He’s as close to Joe Montana as I’ve seen.” So now we know Joe Montana would have gone 4-12 playing with the Cardinals.

* Before the season began, Bengal Coach Bruce Coslet hired a Denver-based agent to handle what he described as an “overwhelming” number of endorsement requests. Who better to endorse “Titanic,” the “LL Cool J Variety Hour” and “Speed 2”?

* Jerry Rice wasn’t the only one to come back too early from an injury; they should have left Kerry Collins’ broken jaw wired shut for the entire season.

* The Cubs are perennial losers, and of course when they grow up, they become Bears.

* Ram Coach Dick Vermeil said of Lawrence Phillips earlier this season, “I’ve seen kids get deeply involved with religion, and it’s really helped them.” Later he said, ah hell, forget it, and cut him.

* Tampa Bay defender Warren Sapp was named San Francisco’s most valuable player after knocking Jerry Rice out in the season-opener and sending the 49ers on an 11-game win streak.

* Coach Kevin Gilbride closed Charger practices, then tried dissuading fans from coming to the games with an uninspiring team.

* When you see Ty Detmer and Rodney Peete standing side by side, what comes to mind? Beanie Babies.

* Mike Ditka won as many games with Heath Shuler, Mario Bates and Andre Hastings as Barry Switzer won with Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin.

* Bill Parcells is no Jim Fassel. Not even a Pete Carroll.

* Unconfirmed rumors have Karim Abdul-Jabbar changing his name to Barrie Sanders.

* If they’re looking for someone to play the part of “Trent Dilfer--the younger years,” Drew Bledsoe should be available in a week or so.

* The combination of Dan Reeves and John Elway couldn’t win the Super Bowl; the combination of Mike Shanahan and John Elway can’t get to the Super Bowl.

* Another year of bad officiating, Redskin collapses orchestrated by Norv Turner, the ideal doorstop in Dennis Green’s “No Room For Crybabies,” and Green Bay is sitting right where it was a year ago at this time--13-3 with the entire state of Wisconsin believing formal wear is a Brett Favre jersey and a block of cheese on their heads.

THE FIRST POLL

1. Denver

2. Green Bay

3. San Francisco

4. Dallas

5. New England

6. Seattle

7. Jacksonville

8. Carolina

9. Cincinnati

10. Detroit

11. Pittsburgh

12. Oakland

13. Kansas City

14. Washington

15. Philadelphia

16. Indianapolis

17. St. Louis

18. Miami

19. Minnesota

20. New York Jets

21. Buffalo

22. Tampa Bay

23. Tennessee

24. New York Giants

25. San Diego

26. Arizona

27. New Orleans

28. Chicago

29. Baltimore

30. Atlanta

THE FINAL POLL

1. Green Bay (13-3)

2. Kansas City (13-3)

3. San Francisco (13-3)

4. Denver (12-4)

5. Pittsburgh (11-5)

6. Jacksonville (11-5)

7. New England (10-6)

8. Miami (9-7)

9. Detroit (9-7)

10. Tampa Bay (10-6)

11. New York Giants (10-5-1)

12. Minnesota (9-7)

13. Cincinnati (7-9)

14. New York Jets (9-7)

15. Washington (8-7-1)

16. Seattle (8-8)

17. Tennessee (8-8)

18. Atlanta (7-9)

19. Carolina (7-9)

20. Dallas (6-10)

21. Philadelphia (6-9-1)

22. New Orleans (6-10)

23. Buffalo (6-10)

24. St. Louis (5-11)

25. Indianapolis ((3-13)

26. Baltimore (6-9-1)

27. Chicago (4-12)

28. Oakland (4-12)

29. San Diego (4-12)

30. Arizona (4-12)