She Came Up With A Side-Splitter

Frank Campbell of Pacific Palisades was standing in line behind a woman who ordered a half-chicken meal, which came with a side order. After she said she wanted the half-chicken, the clerk asked her what side she wanted. The woman thought for a moment and then replied, “I guess the left sidebut aren’t both sides of the chicken the same?”

MORE FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Abbott Rosenberg of Redondo Beach came across a label for some unusual coffee cake that is definitely not for vegetarians (see accompanying).

YOU’RE DONE SHOPPING? No chance. Judy Hoffmann of Westlake Village saw a flier from a company that is already beating the drums for Easter gifts (see accompanying).

NEVER ON SUNDAE: A woman took her anxious young son to see a doctor in Pasadena. On several previous visits, the youth had been given shots. This time he received a check-up only. Afterward, he asked the doctor if he was going to get a shot. The doctor smiled and said no. Whereupon the child burst into tears.

The doctor asked the mother what the boy was upset about. She explained that her son dreaded receiving shots so much that she had taken to promising him an ice-cream sundae after each visit.

She added, “He thinks he’s not going to get any ice cream this time.”

GUFFAWING POSTAL: The other day I talked about a hospital administrator who signed “Adm.” after his name and one day received a letter addressing him as “Admiral.” That rang a bell with the well known TV announcer Art Gilmore, who wrote: “I guess I should have expected it would happen. When I signed off a program I would say, ‘This is Art Gilmore speaking.’ Sure enough, I got a letter that began, ‘Dear Mr. Speaking.”’

MORE SPIN-OFFS: Shirley Kleiman was reminded of a family experience by the item here about the car-seller who wrote “$900 obo” (or best offer) on the side of his car and was called “Obo” by a potential buyer.

Kleiman: “When we checked into a hotel in Eilat, Israel, there was a message for my daughter-in-law to call a ‘Jeanne Asap.”’

NO WONDER THE PLACE LOOKS LIKE A PIG STY: Some trial testimony recounted in Charles Sevilla’s hilarious “Great Moments in Courtroom History” column in the L.A. magazine CACJ Forum, published by California Attorneys for Criminal Justice:

Question: Can you describe the bedroom you found?

Answer: There was a bed, there was clutter in the bedroom, a large 350-pound pig in the bedroom. And basically, that’s about it. . . .

Q: Did it appear that the pig that you found in there had, like, a sleeping space or a bedroom area in there?

A: Yes.

Q: Were there items of clothing in that bedroom?

A: For the pig?

Q: No, not for the pig. For people. Well, for the pig, too.

Judge: Are you talking about Arnold from “Green Acres”?

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Unnoticed with all the commotion over the opening of the Getty Center was the display of drive-by-art spotted by Ruth Breslow of Valinda (see photo). A framed stop sign--a true tribute to L.A.’s car culture.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.