LAUGH LINES

Breathing Easy: President Clinton says he didn’t watch the House Republicans’ opening arguments in the Senate. “Right, and he didn’t inhale either.” (Gary Easley)

Stop Already: A tabloid reports that Chelsea Clinton wants Americans to pray for her father. “Haven’t enough people been on their knees for that guy?” (George McQuade)

That’s Cold: Washington, D.C., is recovering from a frigid storm that covered the city in ice. “The storm has become affectionately known as Hurricane Hillary.” (Jerry Perisho)

Yikes!: Larry Flynt is on a crusade to expose hypocrisy among Republicans. “And it looks like he may have found a skeleton in Strom Thurmond’s closet: Strom Thurmond.” (Steve Voldseth)

There Oughta Be a Law: A child-welfare activist in Oakland wants the city to declare itself a no-spanking zone. “What should be banned is the expression ‘This will hurt me more than it’ll hurt you.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

Do the Math: Rod Stewart and his wife, supermodel Rachel Hunter, have separated due to irreconcilable differences. “Like for starters, she’s 33 and he’s 90.” (Dennis Miller)

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