Musings About Life That Hit Home

Random thoughts--between ballgames--on a too-warm autumn afternoon:

L.A. should look into acquiring a major college football team.

Soccer balls make lousy pillows.

Swimming is the best exercise.

Cheddar is the best cheese.

Today’s NFL coaches look too much like golfers.

Two heads are better than one. Ten heads are not better than one.

Bill Bradley understands America better than Al Gore.

In the long run, companies concerned only about their stock price are doomed.

There are too many movies.

In general, people don’t bake enough.

The best pie: blueberry.

Once a day, you should lose your breath.

School boards are more important than city councils.

The best time to buy an apple: October.

Jimmy Stewart would’ve made a great youth soccer coach.

Beer can never be too cold.

Bill Clinton will have a tough retirement.

No one whistles anymore.

Phil Jackson is the best coach in America--in any sport.

The Chicago Cubs will win a World Series before the Boston Red Sox ever do.

Sometimes, Bob Costas should just shut up.

Every guy should know how to clean a fish.

If Mark Twain were alive today, he’d be making sitcoms.

Something I never thought I’d miss: the Rams.

Someone I never thought I’d miss this soon: Payne Stewart.

Rock ‘n’ roll has never been worse.

Cars have never been more reliable.

$50 bills should be a different color--like in Monopoly.

Driver’s tests are too easy.

Mike Ditka would’ve made a lousy youth soccer coach.

Earthquakes are mostly nocturnal.

Bruce Springsteen understands America better than Bill Bradley.

Teeth whitening sort of makes sense.

Walter Cronkite would’ve made a good senator.

No one quotes Aristotle anymore.

Larry Gelbart and Carl Reiner should run a television network.

Shania Twain should have her own Sunday night variety show.

A full moon is nature’s most underrated scenic event.

The college football season ends too soon.

The worst rule in sports: soccer’s offside penalty.

The best rule: clipping.

You can never know too many knots.

Someone I miss: Sinatra.

Much as I liked him, Clark Gable was a pretty lousy actor.

In Southern California, fall doesn’t really start till November.

Standard time shouldn’t start till after Halloween.

Book you shouldn’t miss: “Tuesdays With Morrie,” by Mitch Albom.

You can never eat too much garlic.

L.A. sandwiches aren’t sloppy enough.

Pepper makes everything taste better.

There are no shortcuts.

Someone I really miss: my old man.

If the law let me, I would legally adopt my dog.

In a pinch, WD-40 lubricant makes an acceptable cologne.

There are fewer and fewer movies based solely on explosions.

Goatees are on the way out.

A good plumber is a bargain--at almost any price.

Penalty kicks should be placed farther back.

There should be a Nobel Prize for barbecue chefs.

The best things in life are really, really expensive.

If you have children, you have everything.

Chris Erskine’s column is published on Wednesdays. His e-mail address is [email protected].