LAUGH LINES

Role With the Punch: “Mike Tyson makes his acting debut in a new movie called ‘Black and White.’ It should be ‘Black and Blue’ if Tyson’s in it.” (Jay Leno)

Put It in Writing: “The surviving Beatles have written a book about the band. It’s called ‘Yoko Ruined It for All of Us.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

The Friendly Skies: “American Airlines had a man and woman arrested after landing in England. The two strangers got drunk together and began taking off each other’s clothes. American Airlines is already sorry they put more leg room in their planes.” (Argus Hamilton)

*

The Essential

David Letterman

Top Things Elian Gonzalez’s Dad

Said His First Day in the U.S.

9. “I want to thank your great land for not turning my young boy into a political football.”

7. “Elian can wait--first, I visit the grave of Ricky Ricardo.”

6. “I will only be interviewed by respected ABC newsman Leonardo DiCaprio.”

5. “Does anyone know who shot J.R.?”

3. “I have just heard a shocking story about your President Clinton and our cigars.”

1. “What’s a Regis?”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.