LAUGH LINES

Trouble Just Waiting to Happen: “Miss Northeast Arkansas was arrested for drunk driving on her way home from giving a speech about the dangers of drunk driving. . . . You got a beauty queen from Arkansas with a drinking problem. Boy, this has Clinton girlfriend written all over it.” (Jay Leno)

Not So Hot: “People questioned whether Sen. John McCain was too hot-headed to be president. It . . . wasn’t the case at all. In fact, on Super Tuesday, the only thing McCain didn’t lose was his temper.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Service Station: “Boy, with Dole in ’96 and now McCain in 2000, America is sending a clear message to our nation’s veterans: We don’t care.” (Craig Kilborn)

On the Wrong Scent: “Campaigning in New York City, [George W. Bush] said: ‘I can smell victory.’ I’ve lived in this town for 20 years, I’ll tell you something--what you smell, George, isn’t victory.” (David Letterman)

Career Change: “It has been reported that Yasmine Bleeth may be leaving the TV show ‘Nash Bridges.’ Apparently, she’s now thinking about pursuing acting.” (Andrew Wisot)

Get the Hook: “Kathie Lee Gifford is said to be in talks to take over the role of Annie Oakley in the Broadway revival of ‘Annie Get Your Gun’ when Bernadette Peters leaves the show in July. And by August, the show will likely be called ‘Audience Get Your Gun.’ ” (Mark Wheeler)

With the Program: “The PR nightmare that followed George W. Bush’s visit to Bob Jones University has caused the school to drop its ban on interracial dating. In addition, its geography department has decided to look into those rumors that the world is round.” (Kaseberg)

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