Mickey Would Blush at Radio Disney’s Hits

To dismiss today’s teeny-bopper music as shallow, tedious and unlistenable is to ignore how much genuine talent goes into making it morally repugnant as well. But if you think I’m one of those fortysomething parents gearing up for a middle-aged rant against the evils of Britney Spears, think again. Because honestly, I’m only in my mid-30s (39, to be exact).

Also, just to clarify, I am not an uptight, cultural conservative. I would rather eat lightbulbs than listen to five minutes of Dr. Laura. Then again, I would rather eat lightbulbs than listen to five seconds of Radio Disney, the popular kids’ station heard nationwide and in Southern California on KDIS-AM (710).

It’s not so much the songs, which--if you subtract the lyrics and music--are top-notch. It’s more the way Radio Disney cultivates a squeaky-clean image while peddling suggestive, teen-oriented fare to its primary audience of 6- to 11-year-olds. What kind of Mickey Mouse operation is this, anyway?

The Times reported in December that Radio Disney test-markets music in focus groups of children as young as 6. Call me Dopey, but if the resulting playlist is any indication, this process is designed to generate advance buzz for the next teen movie soundtrack, not to gauge suitability of content for the kindergarten crowd.

Oh, you won’t hear profanity, gangsta rap or subliminal satanic messages. But you will hear teen and preteen idols encouraging minors to engage in adult behavior (“Yo, it’s gonna be da bomb!”) or waxing poetic about that proverbial awkward phase between immature prepubescent and irresponsible juvenile delinquent.

Take 14-year-old Aaron Carter. Please. In “Not Too Young, Not Too Old,” the little brother of Backstreet Boy Nick Carter brags about being mature enough to cruise for girls, yet childlike enough to feign innocence when he gets in trouble--all while milking his Backstreet pedigree for all it’s worth.

“I’m older now,” Aaron raps, urging his young female companions to “come and show me body.” He also asks, “Girl, whatcha gonna do? Come and talk to me in the back seat--Baby Backstreet!”

Maybe Aaron just wants the girl in the back seat because he knows that, statistically, children are safer riding there. That’s the kind of thoughtful public-service reminder you’d expect from a real teenager with a fake beard, “battin’ in the majors!”

Another Radio Disney favorite is preteen rapper Lil’ Romeo, whose smash hit, “My Baby,” topped the charts last year and is still in heavy rotation. (Frankly, I had no idea who Lil’ Romeo was until my daughter cleared things up for me. “He’s like Lil’ Bow Wow,” she explained, “only smaller.” )

Lil’ Romeo may be small, but that’s no obstacle to his sex appeal. “Eleven years old, makin’ A’s and B’s, and these little mommies can’t keep their hands off me!” he crows. “I’m a little boy but I live a big man’s life.... I got grown women wantin’ to be in my life! By the time I’m 18, I’m not gon’ be nothin’ nice.”

I assume this ditty is part of Radio Disney’s campaign to battle social problems such as pedophilia and the sexualization of children in the media. The station also deserves kudos for relentlessly promoting Spears’ “I’m Not a Girl ... Not Yet a Woman,” which speaks directly to the age-appropriate concerns of 6-year-olds everywhere.

Maintaining a wholesome reputation can be tricky with this sort of subject matter, so Radio Disney often airs edited versions of certain songs. Snippets of lyrics--including “Am I sexual?” (Backstreet Boys), “You’ll be kissing my ... “ (Pink) and the notorious “I’m not that innocent” (Spears)--have been deleted or altered. Even “Not Too Young, Not Too Old” was recently tweaked to eliminate references to girls in the back seat.

The truth is, censoring an isolated word or two is a meaningless gesture in the broader context of children’s music that’s thematically inappropriate to begin with. This is not music that celebrates childhood. This is music that feeds a popular culture intent on hastening childhood’s end.

It’s certainly a far cry from Mary Poppins, a Disney icon from my own childhood. In fact, the only thing Radio Disney has in common with “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” is that the sound of it is

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Peter Moore is a Charlotte, N.C.-based freelance columnist, songwriter and father of three children all younger than 10. He can be reached by e-mail at number9[email protected].