Transcripts will carry an X rating

The Lakers have certainly had their moments -- you know the history -- but testimony about life inside the New York Knicks, detailed as part of the Isiah Thomas sexual harassment trial in a New York federal court is making Lakerdom look placid.

The courtroom has been splattered with foul language and charges of inappropriate racial and gender remarks, as well as testimony of unwanted advances and sexual high jinks among employees, including Stephon Marbury.

The Garden is rockin’, all right.

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Trivia time

Who was the last left-handed U.S. Open singles champion?

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On the rocks

Ducks General Manager Brian Burke put together the team that won the Stanley Cup, but he opened training camp this week with a headache. As expected, stars Scott Niedermayer and Teemu Selanne, both still considering retirement, chose not to report.

At Wednesday’s Southern California Sports Broadcasters’ luncheon, Burke took questions from the audience.

“What is the most common injury in hockey besides losing your teeth?” someone asked.

Burke: “Well, for general managers, it’s usually alcoholism.”

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Don’t cross him

Anybody catch a glimpse of a rock-solid dude in his mid-40s standing on a longboard in Malibu this summer, paddling with a 7-foot oar?

It might have been the Detroit Red Wings’ Chris Chelios, who owns a beachfront home and likes to work out with surfer Laird Hamilton.

“Paddling works everything: legs, stomach, shoulders, back,” Chelios, the NHL’s oldest player at 45, told Sports Illustrated. “The paddle is like a hockey stick used for balancing and steering.”

We just hope Chelios leaves the high-sticking and cross-checking on the ice.

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That’s harsh

NBA No. 1 draft pick Greg Oden had his tonsils out this summer and was scheduled to undergo an exploratory arthroscopic procedure on his knee today.

That’s a sore throat and a sore knee, but in Portland people are already mentioning the names Sam Bowie and Bill Walton.

Let’s wait and see.

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Solid gold

Iowa State is selling commemorative coins featuring the face of new football Coach Gene Chizik for $15.

Wonder what a Pete Carroll would be worth.

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Close to home

You can get a glimpse of a city’s preoccupations from the local paper’s headlines.

The New York Post on Wednesday labeled New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick “Snoop Dog” and a “Belicheat” because of the illegal videotaping of the Jets’ defensive signals during Sunday’s game.

In San Diego, where the Chargers are preparing to play at New England on Sunday, a headline above a picture of Belichick on the Union-Tribune website read “Spies among us.”

But the lead story? “Median house value dips $20,000.”

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Surprised?

Two of the top-10 searches on Yahoo on Wednesday were sports-related: The Patriots at No. 6 -- and soccer’s Women’s World Cup at No. 8.

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Trivia answer

Monica Seles in 1992. The last left-handed men’s champion was John McEnroe in 1984.

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And finally

Cris Collinsworth on HBO’s “Inside the NFL”:

“The Tooth Fairy, NBA refs and Bill Belichick. . . . It’s not a good state of affairs in professional athletics when we now believe in politicians more than you believe in the NBA and the NFL.”

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